One Full House, Royally Flushed
by Buridanical State
Summary: Take one jealous Derek, one drunken Spencer, and an unwanted houseguest: Mix well, and try to keep it down.


**A/N: This started out as a 500 word post for **_** Dribs and Drabbles**_** and sort of… grew. Oh well- what's done is done. Give the review button some lovin' if you get a chance. I hope you enjoy! **

"What's goin' on in here?"

"Derek. Heeeeyyy," Spencer greeted with just a little too much enthusiasm and a noticeable slur.

The other man at the table rolled his eyes with a snort of laughter and tossed back the shot of Crown. When the glass was empty, he reached for the bottle and gestured toward one of the unoccupied chairs. "Why don't you join us for a couple?"

"Yeah, join us! Ethan can make you one of these. It's called a Royal Flush." Spencer drained his glass and slid it across the table toward his friend. "It's _reeeaally_ good. Ethan, make Derek one. And make me one. And one for Derek, okay?" He turned toward the man in question. "Derek, I'm gonna have a Royal Flush. It's _really good_. Do you want one?"

Ethan shook his head as he mixed the drink. "Kid's got a sweet tooth. What can I say?" He cut his eyes toward Derek. "But you don't strike me as the mixed drink type of guy. Why don't you and I stick to Crown and let the genius here have this?"

Reid scrunched up his nose. "I hate it when you do that."

"What am I guilty of this time?" Ethan asked, smirking as he poured the drink over ice and handed it to Reid.

"The whole 'genius' thing. Why do you always make it sound like an insult? Like you're not a genius yourself. You were like the only person…" He took a long draught from the glass. "The um… only person who could compete with me acclamidally… academally… at school."

Ethan laughed so hard that he nearly fell out of his chair. "Well, damn. I shoulda thought of this years ago. Maybe I would've actually _beaten_ you more often."

"Shut up."

Throughout the entire exchange, Derek just stood there trying to suppress the swell of anger that had been growing steadily over the past five days. 'One more day,' he thought, 'one more day, and I can get this man out of my house, and I won't have to hear his voice for another year.' He knew that Spencer had Ethan as a houseguest once a year, but now that they were living together, he was sure that the man would have the decency to book a hotel room. But no… Reid had to open his big mouth and say that _of course_ they had room and _"of course Derek won't mind"_. Well, guess what? Derek _did_ mind. He minded very much, thank you.

For the entire week leading up to the visit, all he'd heard was _"Derek, can you make sure that there are clean towels in the guest bathroom? Derek, can you pick up some orange juice with no pulp when you go shopping? Ethan doesn't like pulp. Do you think that I should buy some more pillows? These might be too soft for Ethan." _'Ethan, Ethan, Ethan ,Ethan, Ethan.' If he heard that name one more time, he would scream!

"Come on, Der-bear. Ethan was just telling a story about one of his more interesting gigs."

"Yeah, _Der-bear_. Why don't you take a load off?"

"I don't need an invitation in my own damn house!"

The barely audible crack of a melting ice cube disturbed the silence that followed.

"Alright. So we haven't made it to pet names yet," Ethan shrugged as he rose from the table. "Don't worry- we'll get there." He plucked the half-empty tumbler from Spencer's hand. "I think it's time to call it a night."

"Hey, I wasn't finished!" he protested.

Ethan shook his head as he emptied the glass into the kitchen sink. "Buddy, you were finished about two hours in. I just didn't have the heart to tell you."

"Jerk," Spencer muttered at the retreating form.

"Love you too, Spency!" he tossed over his shoulder.

The door to the guest bedroom had barely closed when Spencer addressed Derek.

"Was that really necessary?"

Of all the things that could have come out of Reid's mouth… "Wha- Was it necessary? Spencer, it is _ three o'clock __in the__** morning**_!" he snapped.

"And tomorrow is Saturday," Spencer countered, rising unsteadily to his feet. "Neither of us has to work tomorrow. It's Ethan's last night in town. It wouldn't have killed you to spend some time with him."

"You spend time with him. I'm goin' back to bed."

"Derek, wait." As Derek began to walk away, Spencer made a grab for him and missed. It was only on sheer reflex that he was able to keep the inebriated man from falling flat on his face. Still, he wasn't quick enough to keep them both on their feet.

"Ooommf."

Spencer laughed. "I'm sorry. Here… lemme kiss it better." He proceeded to rain kisses all over Derek's face and neck.

"Spencer, get off of me."

"Why?" he asked, swinging a leg over the supine body and rising into a straddle. His hands slipped beneath the thin tee shirt, roaming over the muscled chest. Hot breath ghosted Derek's ear as he whispered seductively, "I thought you liked me in this position."

"I'm not playin', Spencer. Get off of me."

Spencer sat up, wobbling a bit as he crossed his arms. "No. Not until you tell me what's wrong."

Derek's hands covered his face, scrubbing harshly in a gesture of extreme agitation. He let his arms fall to his sides and stared up at the ceiling. "It's three in the morning, I'm tired, and you're acting like a drunk coed."

"Is that why you're upset? Because I had a few drinks?"

"No… I'm _upset_ because you obviously had more than a few."

"I'm sorry. It's not like I planned it," Reid frowned. "Ethan's always been able to talk me into things."

Derek's eyes snapped from their fixed glare at the ceiling back to Reid. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

Spencer stared back, his slightly glazed eyes taking in the clenched jaw, the flaring nostrils, and the tenseness of Derek's muscles. "You're jealous." He rolled clumsily off of the older man and lay there beside him on the kitchen floor. "You're actually jealous. Wow."

"I'm not jealous," Derek mumbled, "I just want my house back."

"You want _me_ back."

"That too."

Spencer scooted close enough to drape one arm over Derek and rested his head on the man's chest. "I'm sorry. I should've thought about how you might feel before I asked Ethan to stay. I'll ask him to book a room the next time."

Derek let out a resigned sigh, and drew Spencer closer to himself. "It's your house too. I'll just have to get used to sharing it once a year." He pressed a kiss to the top of Spencer's head. "Come on, Pretty Boy. Let's get you to bed."

Spencer was already half-asleep by the time they got him undressed and into bed. In fact, he was so far gone when Derek spoke that he was almost sure he'd misheard.

"I think I owe Ethan an apology. I really didn't give the guy a chance, did I?"

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do. He's your best friend. I should at least make an _effort_ to get to know him. Maybe the three of us can spend more time together the next time he's in town."

"Derek, _you're_ my best friend. You know that."

"He's the best friend you have that you're not sleepin' with."

Spencer let out a sleepy chuckle. "True. You really don't mind him staying here again?"

He thought about it for a moment. "You know- I really don't."

And he didn't, because in a moment of perfect clarity on the cold kitchen floor, Derek Morgan came to a decision. He would follow the best advice he'd ever given himself:

Keep your friends close and your boyfriend's friends closer.

_**End**_


End file.
